Recently I have been obsessed with Jodi Picoult books - my latest reads are The Pact and My Sister's Keeper.
These books have made me reflect on motherhood and my relationship with Colin and Anna. Questions I have asked myself are - do I expect too much from Colin? How to I differentiate from setting high expectations and setting the expectation for doing your best? Do I love one child more than the other? Can I love my kids more? How can I show my life in a better way? Do I show my love in the right way for their development? How can I make sure that my relationship with Colin and Anna is equal, open and honest?
My realization - My mom was a good mom!!!! I realize this more and more.
With 5 kids in my family, there were times that we all felt a little left out, but I do not remember her showing more love consistently to one child versus the other. She also pushed us to do our best, and accepted it when it was our best. She allowed us freedom to try new things in a safe environment and was always approachable.
When I was pregnant with Anna, I really struggled with how a second child was going to affect the balance between me and the kids. I love the fact that Colin is a "mommy" boy, but also wanted to share equal amounts of love with Anna. This was exemplified with Anna decided that she did not want to breastfeed anymore at 10 days old (so I just pumped). I felt like my personal bonding time was gone with Anna. I adjusted, by just making sure that I bonded with her in other ways - special cuddle times during the day, babywearing versus laying her on the ground while chasing Colin, reading books, etc.
As Colin and Anna are grow I think the balance will become harder and harder, but I also know that my love is equal for both of them!
I am truly blessed to have both Colin and Anna in my life - but motherhood is much harder than I ever expected. I hope I will live up to my expectations of being a good mom.